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Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone, then, when he finally answered ... he was rude to my simple...
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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. I used to have a handle on...
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A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer. The violator demands to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a...
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A rabbi walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The bartender says "Where did you get that?" The frog says "Are you kidding? They're all over Brooklyn."
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Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor, when you get...
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A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade...
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I got this joke a while ago in an email- it's my favorite! Please don't really try this, you'll be arrested. 1. Lift both lids on your toilet bowl and add a couple of capfuls of shampoo to the water. 2. Go to the other room where the cat is sleeping, pick it up and soothe it while you carry...