Shooting babies

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INOX Posted: 07-02-2007 1:36 PM

"Shooting Babies"

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a  surrogate father to start their family. On the
day the proxy
   father was to
   arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and
said, "Well, I'm off
   now.
   The man should be here soon."

   Half an hour later, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby
photographer
   happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a
sale. "Good
morning,
   Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

   "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, "I've
been
   expecting you."

   "Have you really?" said the photographer.
"Well, that's good.
Did
   you know
   babies are my specialty?"

   "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and
   have a
   seat".

   After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well,
where do we start?"

   "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in
the bathtub, one
on the
   couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And
sometimes the living
room
   floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

   "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it
didn't work out for
   Harry and
   me!"

   "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good
one every time.
But
   if we
   try several different positions and I shoot
from six or seven
   angles, I'm
   sure you'll be pleased with the results."

   "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

   "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take
his time. I'd love
to
   be In
   and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be
disappointed with
   that."

   "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

   The photographer opened his briefcase and
pulled out a portfolio
   of his
   baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a
bus," he said.

   "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at
her throat.

   "And these twins turned out exceptionally well
- when you
consider
   their
   mother was so difficult to work with."

   "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

   "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her
to the park to
get
   the job
   done right. People were crowding around four
and five deep to
get
   a good
   look"

   "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes
wide with
amazement.

   "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more
than three hours,
   too. The
   mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I
could hardly
   concentrate, and when darkness approached I had
to rush my
shots.
   Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on
my equipment, I
just
   had to
   pack it all in."

   Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they
actually chewed on
your,
   uh...equipment?"

   "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,
I'll set-up my
   tripod and
   we can get to work right away."

   "Tripod?"

   "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest
my Canon on. It's
   much too
   big to be held in the hand very long."

   Mrs. Smith fainted