"Shooting Babies"The Smiths were unable to conceive children anddecided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On theday the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye andsaid, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, adoor-to-door babyphotographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make asale. "Goodmorning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..." "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,embarrassed, "I'vebeen expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer."Well, that's good.Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.Please come in and have a seat". After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well,where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two inthe bathtub, oneon the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Andsometimes the livingroom floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder itdidn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a goodone every time.But if we try several different positions and I shootfrom six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to takehis time. I'd loveto be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd bedisappointed with that." "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase andpulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of abus," he said. "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping ather throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well- when youconsider their mother was so difficult to work with." "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take herto the park toget the job done right. People were crowding around fourand five deep toget a good look" "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyeswide withamazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for morethan three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - Icould hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I hadto rush myshots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling onmy equipment, Ijust had to pack it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean theyactually chewed onyour, uh...equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to restmy Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted
Sometimes you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you.